


HIV Doesn't Bother Me

by AA90



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Disbandment, HIV/AIDS, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:58:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AA90/pseuds/AA90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Adam makes a mistake that will haunt him for the rest of his life, will his friends, family and most importantly, Tommy be there for him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shock

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Adommy fic I've posted. So happy!!  
> Anyway, more tags will be added later once I figure this story out completely.  
> Feel free to comment and kudos.  
> And, thanks so much for reading.

Adam came in so quickly, I only seen a blur of him before I heard him plop down on the couch he had bought me two years ago.

I closed the door, locked it, and walked towards the kitchen. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 11 am. 

"Dammit, Adam," I mumbled to myself as I went over to the coffee pot and started making coffee. "You want some, Adam?" I said through the doorway to him as he was sitting on the couch. 

"No." He said. It was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it.

"Okay. Are you hungry? I was going to order a pizza or something."

"I'm fine. Thanks."

I grab my coffee and head toward the living room. When I get there the look in Adam's face make me drop my coffee mug.

"What's wrong Adam...?"


	2. The "Physical"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. The editing process is a bitch.  
> Anyway, I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends: Colmey, Stone, and Boo-Boo. These are your nicknames. You know who you are.

Adam's POV

It was brighter outside than inside the hospital. I learned that when I stepped out the doors of UCLA.

I had walked out on my doctor. I just couldn't listen to him anymore. After he said the word "positive," I got up and left his office. Despite him calling my name to try to get me to come back to his office, I just kept going.

When I got to my car, I let it out.  
I screamed and cursed myself for being so stupid. Not to mention the vast amount of tears that were streaming down my face.

Thirty minutes passed before I had the thought that maybe my test results were wrong. I mean, if they were negative six months ago, what makes them positive now?

I pulled myself together, got out of my car, and walked back into the hospital.

I walk through the hospital until I get to Dr. Willich's office. When I get there he was standing next to his office door rubbing his forehead. Then he looked up.

"Adam, I thought that was you. Look, let's go in my office and talk about this, okay? " He says.

When I got into his office, I was immediately hit with the oh-too-familiar scent of vanilla. I chose Willich as my personal physician when I got back to Los Angeles. He was very strong beliefs about patient confidentiality and, he was the most gay affirmative doctor I had ever met.

I sat down in the chair I was just sittng in almost two hours ago. 

"Adam, I know this is hard for you. But, you need to be aware of the changes that are going to be taking place in your body-"  
I cut him off. 

"The test results are wrong, doc."

"You're in denial."

"No. I'm not." I say as I look down at my shirt. 

"Oh, and how do you figure that, Adam?" Willich looks down at his desk like he really wouldn't care what I was about to say. I guess he really think I'm in denial. But the thing is, I just couldn't get how the test results aren't wrong. 

"What I'm trying to say is that, I don't get how the test results are positive now, but they were negative six months ago. That's why I think it's a false positive or something like that." 

Willich looks up at me. "Adam, you're not in denial."

"Told you I wasn't. I mean, I'm a safe guy. Being gay isn't easy when it comes to sex, and I know that. So therefore, I take every precaution I can." 

"No, no, no. I mean, that you're just confused. Look, you're test is correct, and I know that because I handled your STD tests myself. But, now I guess you're wondering why you are positive now, but you weren't six months ago, right?"

I nod.

"Okay. Adam six months ago, you had just become infected. So therefore, the antibodies hadn't had time to spread. I mean, come on Adam, you came in the next morning."

I look at him. I'm completely dumbfounded.

"Adam, are you okay? Say something."

"So, that means- I'm dying? But, I thought you made a mistake. Please tell me you made a mistake. Please tell me."

Willich looks at me. "Adam, I'm so sorry. Please, let me at least explain some of the things that you need to know. And, Adam we need to get you prescribed on medication as soon as possible, okay? I know it's a lot to take in, but I need you to listen to me, okay?"

"Okay," I say.

That had to be the longest two hours in my life. It was so hard not just run out of that office. I wanted to listen to Willich, I really did. But, my mind just kept drifting off into the 'what ifs'. What if this gets out into the media; what if the record label drops me; what if my fans start to hate me; what if my parents disown me; what if Sauli found out; what if my friends reject me? And then it hit me: what if Tommy rejects me? That would be too much to take-

"Adam. Adam, are you listening to me?" Willich says while snapping his fingers.

"Sorry, I spaced out."

"Your thinking about the 'what ifs' aren't you?"

"Yeah. I'm scared."

"Adam you don't have to be afraid. I understand that you are. But, you don't have to be. Look, what I'm trying to say is that, there are millions of people who are HIV positive, most of whom still live their lives as if nothing ever happened to them. Being HIV positive isn't the worst thing that could happen to you, remember that, okay?"

I nod. "What were you saying?"

"I was talking about AHI, or acute HIV infection," Willich says. 

"And, what is that?"

"Well, the amount of HIV in the blood gets very high within a few days or weeks after HIV infection. Some people get a flu-like illness. This first stage of HIV disease is called "acute HIV infection." About half of the people who get infected don't notice anything. Symptoms generally occur within 2 to 4 weeks. The most common symptoms are fever, fatigue, and rash. Others include headache, swollen lymph glands, sore throat, feeling achy, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and night sweats.

It is easy to overlook the signs of acute HIV infection. They can be caused by several different illnesses." Willich looks down at desk and hands me a small stack of papers. "Here. You can read more about this on your own. I can understand that this is maybe a lot to take in, and you probably have to be somewhere else, so take these. You have my number, right Adam?"

"Yes sir," I say, happy that I'm finally getting out of the office. 

"Okay. I want you to come back next-" Willich looks down at the calendar on his desk- "Wednesday. That okay with you?"

"Yeah," I say. I was about to say something else, but my phone rang.

I waved goodbye to Willich, and stepped out of his office. When I seen who was calling, my heart sank.

"Um, so you weren't going to tell me that you skipped out on lunch?"

"Sauli, I'm sorry. My physical ran longer than expected." My pulse was racing, and I swear, I just broke out in a sweat. All of the 'what ifs' came rushing back to me.

"Adam, you there?"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was asking if everything went smoothly. You were there a long time."

"I'm fine", I lied.

"And what about everything down there...." Sauli trailed off.  
I close my eyes and take deep breaths to keep my breath under control.

I knew what he was referring to. A few nights ago, I just couldn't get it up. And by it, I mean my favorite part of my body. My dick. And, I know why, too. It's because every time I tried to get hard, thoughts of another man kept popping up in my mind. A certain man who's in my band, wears creepers, is my best friend, and not to mention- straight. And then, to make matters worse, when I saw Sauli's face, I'd lose any hardness I had. "Sauli, I didn't even ask, I'm fine, okay? It's normal. It happens to every guy. Look, I'm sorry I missed lunch. I'm gonna go to the studio and record some tracks. I'll see you tonight, okay?" 

"Okay. I love you, Adam."

"Love you, too." I said. After a few more goodbyes, I hung up. I hate lying to Sauli, I really do. He's a wonderful person, and a great boyfriend, and he would never hurt me like this. Saying my mental apologies to him, I walked out of the hospital for the last time that day.

Out in the parking lot, I get in my car, put on my seat belt, start the engine, and drove to the apartment of the one person that will let me in, no questions asked.


	3. Trust Me

Tommy's POV

I ran to the couch as soon as I saw Adam. Nearly slipping and falling on the mess of mug pieces and coffee on my to him. I rarely seen Adam cry, so I knew that this was serious.  
Cautiously, I sat next to him. His body was shaking violently. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that whatever the problem was, he was going to be okay. 

"Adam?"

More sobs. 

"Adam, what's wrong, man? Come on talk to me; you know you can talk to me."

More sobs. 

"Goddammit, Adam, look at me."

"No Tommy," Adam sobbed. 

"And, why the hell not?" I asked, I was starting to get worried; Adam told me everything, from what he ate last night, to his darkest secrets. What could be this bad? Slowly, I started to eliminate all of the things that could be the problem; then, it hit me. Was it Sauli? "Adam look at me, please." 

Adam glanced at me. "Tommy, I'm not sure if I should tell you. I might lose you as a friend."

I looked at him and weighed my 'what ifs'. What if I keep prying, and Adam ends up being right about the fact that I would stop being friends with him? Or, what if I kept going and helped him through it? I made up my mind quite quickly, and chose the option that kind of scared me a bit.

I looked at the shattered coffee mug. That would be my heart if I wasn't careful. "Adam, was it Sauli?"

Adam sobbed more.

Was that a yes? Did Sauli go and break his heart? But, that can't be. Sauli is so happy with Adam. But, Sauli was a fucking actor, and I am on the outside looking in. 

Adam looks at me. "Tommy, it wasn't Sauli. But, he'll hate me once this gets out."

I wasn't expecting to hear that. I turned my body completely to look at Adam. I reached out and touched his shoulder; Adam pulled away. That was it, that was my last straw. "Fuck, Adam just tell me. I'm here, and I care; Adam please."

Adam turned and looked at me. "Maybe I should go."  
Hearing Adam's words hurt. But, I wasn't giving in. Adam quickly started to to get up to leave, but I was quicker. I reached out and grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back down. Adam yelped out of surprise and sat on my lap, "Adam, please. I'm so close to begging you, right now. Please just tell me, okay? Whatever it is, I swear, I'll be there to help you through it, just... Please tell me!"

That did it. Adam got what I was saying. He understood that I was there for him no matter what happened. Then he said it. "Tommy, I'm HIV positive, and I'm scared to death."


	4. Heartbreak/Judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my Wentz, thanks for the long wait!!  
> Anyway, here's a new chapter.

Tommy POV

Quickly, I got up and went to the kitchen. That probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but fuck…I didn’t know what to say to that. Quickly, I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer; closed it, and downed half of the damned thing quickly. “Adam, get in here.”

Hearing Adam get up from the couch and walking towards me, I took a deep breath I leaned my back against the refrigerator. It was going to be a long day.

“Um, yeah?”, Adam was standing near the door. He looked so nervous. I wanted to hug him and tell him that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I was there for him; but then again, I wanted to run and hide. Shit. I really couldn’t make up my mind.

“Adam, what happened? You’re one of the safest guys I know. How did you of all people on this goddamn earth, get AIDS?!” I didn’t mean to start yelling, I really didn’t, but what the fuck was he thinking?

Adam looked at me shortly before looking down at his shirt. “I don’t know. One minute I was in a bar the next minute I was getting laid. And I have HIV, not AIDS.”

“But without a condom, Lambert?”

Adam shook his head. “I was drunk, I don’t remember. All I remember is the fight with Sauli and going to the damn bar. I was on my sixth drink when the guy came up to me.”

I drank what was left of my beer then, sat the bottle on the counter next to me. My head was starting to hurt. “But what about Sauli; you slept with a guy knowing that you were with him?”

Adam looked at me. “Thomas, I already feel guilty. Don’t make me feel worse. I love him. You know that."

I turned to the refrigerator and grabbed another beer. “Have you told him? I mean, have you actually talked to Sauli about this yet?” I close the refrigerator turning back to Adam and opened my beer.

“No,” Adam said.

I shut my eyes tight and turned away from him. “Then leave and tell him.”

Listening quietly, I heard Adam walking out of the kitchen, and out of the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me you love it.  
> Tell me you hate it.  
> But, you gotta tell me SOMETHING


	5. The Night Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's another short chapter. Don't kill me. The next one will be longer, I swear.

Adam's POV

I'm taking the long way home; occasionally making wrong turns and riding in circles just to prolong the ride. Am I procrastinating? Yes, I am.

One hour. Two hours. Three. Fuck, four hours and I'm still out in the road. Maybe I should just go home, and get this over with. I mean, I know that there will be yelling, hurt feelings, and maybe something getting thrown; but Sauli and I will work through this, right? I hope I'm not be too naive about this. Hell, I did that to many times with Brad. Now look where I am with him....

Sighing, I finally pull into the driveway of my home; I turn off the car and stare at the house. The lights are on and I actually see Sauli moving around in the house. What is he doing up this late? I pull out my phone from my pocket, 8:45pm, Hm; interesting. 

I lean back a bit in the seat of the car. It's comfortable enough so that I can relax and look at the sky from the windshield. Sighing contently, I think about the past three years I spent with this Finn. Shockingly, I'm surprised that I didn't do anything this stupid sooner. I mean, I did flirt with a few guys at clubs, and after the shows. But, nothing too serious. I knew who was in my bed at night, and why. But, then again, I wish I could turn back the hands of time and stay single. I never wanted Sauli to begin with. Sure he's sweet and supportive; maybe even a good lay, (if he's in a good enough mood, and I took enough of the little blues) but he is just a substitute for what I can't have.

 

When I wake up, there's a dull pain in my neck, I really don't know how long I was outside for. It's darker than it was before; colder too. 

I take off my seat belt, and get out of the car. Stretching a little as I walk, I finally manage to get my keys from my back pocket as I get to the front door. 

I guess it didn't matter, though. Sauli was right there with the door opened; to be honest he looked pretty pissed off.


End file.
